Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Cosmetic procedure could change English language

Saw an interesting infomercial the other night. It’s the latest fad in cosmetic …er beautification. Anal bleaching.

According to the infomercial, this non-evasive procedure lightens the skin around the anus, giving it a clean and hygienic look. Apparently it started out as a must have for actors in the porn industry but made the jump to everyday people because of the ‘’aesthetic’’ appeal. Too many people with too much time on their hands I say.

You must be wondering about the title then. Well, I realized that this procedure will have a profound effect on the English language if it becomes commonplace. Here are a few examples:

  • The word ‘’asshole’’ will no longer be a derogatory term. Colloquially, ‘’asshole’’ can have a range of meaning, from being disgusting to being full of crap. Either way, there is an innuendo of faecal matter, of being dirty. In the future, if the recipient of your abuse has been bleached or A-B’d, they’ll probably take being called an asshole as a compliment!
  • ‘’Shove it where the sun don’t shine’’ meaning its dark down there. After a dose of A-B, these words will have no meaning.
  • “The sun doesn’t shine out of your ass”. With enough A-B, it probably will.
  • Because of the above ‘’mooning’’ will become passé. “Sunning” someone will become the new rage.

Anyone got any other suggestions?

1 comment:

Marilyn said...

this so hilarious, i almost fell off my chair!!!!! thanks for the laughs!