Just stand and breathe

1996, the year Prodigy's "Breathe" was the hottest dance track around. Why am I remembering that song? Well it all began this morning on the train to work...

I'll set the scene...

It's a dark and cold winter's morning. The sky carries the threat of more thunderstorms and rain as I huddle under the train shelter waiting for my daily direct train to the city. It arrives late, as usual.

There is a mad rush as everyone tries to get on at the same time. It's a non-stop train and all the passengers seem to have recently developed arthritis of the knee, such is their reluctance to stand. Chivalry died a quick death here, a long time ago.

An old man is beating a pregnant woman for a seat while a child is thrown out of a window to make room for a man in a suit. Two students have their switchblades out to fend off any interest in their seats.

OK, you got me. The last paragraph is pure fiction... but how long before it becomes fact? I gave up my seat to a woman on the train a couple of weeks ago and instead of thanking me, she gave me a "are-you-freaking-crazy?" look. FFS, am i supposed to feel bad about having some manners and being considerate?

Anyway, back to the story. I manage to find a seat next to a PDA wielding business type. Thanking the heavens for my good fortune, I put on my headphones for the hour-long ride to work. All is right with the world (except for the train running late)... or is it?

What is that f**king smell??

It smells like a wet, rotting corpse microwaved on High for 3 minutes. It's unbearable!

They say a bad smell usually accompanies a bad spirit but this stench would mean Beelzebub himself was out and about.

And then it hit me. The PDA wielding business type next to me was breathing on me. How can someone's breath smell so damn bad so early in the morning? I mean you get up and brush right? Maybe not.

A few thoughts, which I am tempted to say out loud, run through my head:
"WTF? You can afford a PDA but not a brush?"
"Dude, what was for breakfast...sh*t?"
"Here's some mint... you should see a vet about that dead dog stuck in your throat."

But I choked back my desire to say something. I could not bear the thought of him actually facing me and saying something in response.

So I endured what would be my worst train trip in 6 years. A crowded train, no open windows and me sitting next to someone afflicted with the worst case of halitosis ever smelt. It's official, fresh breath mint advertising has failed.

I hope tomorrow's train is crowded. I don't want a seat. I'd rather stand... and breathe.

The Psynic

I'm back

Forgive me blogger for i have slacked... it has been almost a year since my last entry.

So much has happened since the last entry, the Aussies were cruelly dumped from the World Cup by eventual winners Italy and we are mere months away from the Rugby World Cup in France. The Wallabies will mount another challenge to reach the finals... and beat the mighty All Blacks come semi final time. We'll see.

I have a nagging suspicion that the All Blacks may just win this year given they last won in 1987 and beat France. History has a habit of repeating - 2007, France, World Cup, you get the drift.

Ok, now that i have gotten sports out of my system...oh hang on, Manchester United won back the Premier League title, that made my year...


How sweet it is.

Back to me, got a new job and can now safely say that working in a State Government department was interesting...oh what the hell, it sucked! After 10 months of being brow beaten I was glad to get the f**k out. Thanks for the memories, even if they weren't so great.

But it was not all bad, i met some great people and one really funny bastard who introduced me to his other friend, also a really funny bastard (wow, thats the most number of "bastards" i've ever used in this blog). You can check out this really funny dude's blog but be warned, if you have a single politically correct bone your body, you will be offended.

Well, i'm loving the new job as much as i hated the old one so all is right in the world... think it has a lot to do with Manchester Utd winning the Premier League.

But the main thing is that i'm back and this time i aim to make weekly updates instead of yearly ones.

>The Psynic<